


His Mind

by greenbloodedcomputer



Series: His Body [6]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 18:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6090847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenbloodedcomputer/pseuds/greenbloodedcomputer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard always assumed the vulcan mind was like a computer -- coldly logical, mathematical, and operational only when it was necessary to follow orders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is my series from Leonard's perspective. I have another series of similar stories [from Spock's perspective](http://archiveofourown.org/series/414113). Comments, questions, and requests are always loved!

Leonard always assumed the vulcan mind was like a computer -- coldly logical, mathematical, and operational only when it was necessary to follow orders. Spock had constantly been one to shut down any emotional state, any suggestion of human similarity, anything, really, that didn’t directly agree with his own understanding of Vulcan philosophy. While the doctor thought maybe sometimes he tried a little too hard to be as unemotional as possible, he had never imagined what could be going on inside Spock’s head. 

When they first mind-melded, Spock had pushed into the human’s brain in an attempt to help him sort out his own emotions that were running rampant on Leonard’s life. Leonard only caught a glimpse of Spock’s mind in that instance, but what he saw possessed much more colour and understanding that he had ever thought possible. The next few times, Spock began to allow him small bits of access in order to gain the doctor’s trust and to build a relationship between them. It wasn’t until they completely bonded, physically, telepathically, and mentally, that Leonard was able to completely grasp what went on inside that beautiful brain of his. 

Spock was not a typical vulcan. As soon as he had access to the younger man’s thoughts he found that his brain was in a constant battle with itself. Spock not only felt the emotions that he so constantly denied, he was overwhelmed by them. His emotions were so complex, that Leonard was almost overtaken by them himself and he didn’t understand half the things Spock was feeling. His husband was in a constant struggle, not only with himself, but with the outside world. 

He was born into a half human, half vulcan body. Physically, he appeared vulcan, but inside he possessed not only the raw, rampant emotions of a vulcan, but the inexperience and weakness of a human. Leonard began to wonder if the reason he was so adamant about his vulcan heritage was because society pressed that onto him. After all, he physically appeared to be one species and living a life as another would have brought shame to his family. Besides this, there were no people willing to help a half-vulcan learn to live his life as the hybrid he was. Spock not only felt he had to accept his vulcan heritage, but he had no other choice as to deal with the dangerous emotions he was feeling. 

These emotions were not only negative, but overwhelmingly good as well. Leonard was embarrassed and flattered to know that Spock felt a love for his human that was deeper and more powerful than any affection Leonard knew existed. Spock’s happiness when they built their telepathic bond was a high that lasted him over a week and affected his mental capacities and physical competencies in a positive manner. It worked on his icy blood like a drug that fed him a positivity so strong Leonard was able to feel it as well. 

His thought process, however, was very similar to what Leonard had expected. It was painstakingly deliberate. Every word was carefully chosen and rehearsed ahead of time. Nothing ever escaped his mouth that hadn’t had every possible scenario played out beforehand. Many times, sassy and annoyed comments were passed off as ‘logical’ because Spock knew he could justify the argument to himself and anyone that dared to suggest he was displaying emotion. 

Spock was sad more often than not, and it was shocking just how much everyone around them failed to notice. His head was a storm filled with heat lightning caused by stress and constant struggle. Spock never brought his problems to the forefront of his mind, but he was unable to cover the feeling enough that it went unnoticed. Perhaps sad was not the right word -- tired. Tired of fighting. The emotion was alarming to Leonard who always feared that he would come home from a shift one night and found that Spock had simply given up the will to live, but his husband always quickly reminded him that, among many things, there were a few very important people keeping him firmly planted in their universe. 

Spock was amazingly simple, and as they lived their lives together Leonard was able to see the appeal of vulcan philosophy. The concepts were simple -- don’t judge others, live for knowledge, do what is logical for survival. Often the doctor found himself turning to these simple rules when he couldn’t manage his own emotions. He realized that Spock had to strip himself down to the barest ends in order to straighten out the mess that was living inside of his mind. 

When they made love, their minds intertwined into one consciousness, even further than usual, and Leonard found he couldn’t find where he ended and where Spock began on a physical or mental level. It was during these times that Spock truly allowed himself to be vulnerable and Leonard got a glimpse of the things that truly plagued him. They would often lay beside one another in bed, soaked in sweat, gasping for air, and Spock would suddenly be caught up in all of the pressures and thoughts. He rarely allowed himself to be taken by it, but sometimes Leonard would roll toward him to be met with tears and a green-tinted face.

It was in those times that the doctor thought the best thing to do would be to shut out all the thoughts for a while. To shut off their minds, to just embrace one another and to hang on tight.


End file.
